my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
