All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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