I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
