I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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