Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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