Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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