i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
