i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
