so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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