ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
