A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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