she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
