When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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