I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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