I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
