so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
