pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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