if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
