Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
