He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
