eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
