evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
