His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She needs sedatives and a leash
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
