Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
