I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
