Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
