I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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