my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
