I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
