Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
