the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Randomize
