Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
its liver damage thursday
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
