i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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