the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
