It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
