Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
