Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
