Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
