rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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