operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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