I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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