i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
only you would photoshop your dick
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
