maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
