those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
