A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
