Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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