i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Damn victory sex feels great
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
