Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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