just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Vodka?
Forever.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
