I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
we're making bets on your personal life
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
