I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
