You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
