Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
