I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
