I need help removing her.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
