Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
