I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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