it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize