I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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