Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She needs sedatives and a leash
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
