i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I deserve this hangover.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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