the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
