well I can't set my house on fire every night
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
